Valentine’s Day, it’s just for pussy — says Joe Regular

If Joe Regular* sends you roses on Valentine’s Day, you’d better be ready to give him some pussy when the sun goes down.

Joe Regular, not his real name of course, is a guy who doesn’t believe in a lot of romance. And if you’re the woman he’s seeing this Valentine’s day, those roses and Dollar Store chocolates come with a g-string attached.

“If I send a woman flowers, then she’d better thank me Valentine’s night. That’s the only reason I’m sending flowers or taking her out to dinner.”

So, you want a call girl?

“I’m not saying that. But Valentine’s Day is expensive. And if you can’t get any on Valentine’s night then there is something wrong with you. If I buy you something, I expect to kill it. I want to be cherished.”

What kind of gift do you want for Valentine’s Day?

“Sex. That’s all I want. Don’t give me cologne or chocolate. I want sex. Raw, nasty, thank you sex. You shouldn’t have to wait for Valentine’s Day to show love any way.”

Do you send flowers to your girl regularly?

“No. I don’t do that. So, when I send them on Valentine’s Day, she better appreciate it and the sex had better be on point.”

Do you only have sex once a year? What’s so special about Valentine’s Day sex?

“You women go harder on Valentine’s Day. If it takes some roses to make that happen, then hey, I’ll send them.”

Joe Regular and I used to date. And for the record, this cheap fucker never, ever gave me roses. And I never, ever sucked his dick.